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I`m more confused than a homeless person on house arrest.
My phone battery lasts longer than relationships these days
when is humpty dumpty going to hatch?
I`m not an alcoholic I just have a lot of things to celebrate.
i don`t know what to say on your comment so i just hit "like" so you won`t be upset that ignored you.
Someone asked me today if ive ever been with two women at the same time. But why would I want to disappoint two women at the same time?
I didn`t sleep well last night so this morning I made my coffee with Red Bull instead of water. Half way to work I realized I forgot my car.
There`s something I need to get off my chest: Darned Cheetos crumbs.
I really worry about which selfie my family would put on the news if I ever went missing.
I wish I was important enough for my nudes to get leaked.
I dream of a day when a mysterious hand will pop out of the screen and b!tch-slap you silly each time you post a boring or stupid status.
Be nice to me ... I may be hot one day.
I don`t get women. Also, I don`t understand them.
Hubby wanted to start the new year out with a bang - So I shot him..
If you think husbands aren`t good listeners, whisper "Come here, I`m naked" from anywhere in the house and see what happens.