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Looking for one night stand! Probably need two! I have a lot of books
First fart at my new job.
"I`d like a bowl of soup please." "Any sides?" "I hope so, or it`ll go EVERYWHERE."
What I learned from Titanic was that you need to have sex as soon as possilble with the person you like cause you never know what might happen.
I`ve fallen down the stairs before. I don`t see what joy the Slinky gets out of it. That sh!t hurts.
With the right person, you can talk about absolutely nothing for hours & feel like you spoke about everything.
Nothing says poor life choices like the guy with the half smoked cigarette behind his ear
There is literally no way of knowing how many chameleons are in your house.
"Spring Ahead" this weekend for Daylight Saving Time proves there is a much quicker way than Facebook to lose an hour in your life....
“The darndest things.” -kids
I wish they all could be Jerry Springer girls.
So apparently, all you can eat buffets do not include the waitresses...
Can I just drop it like it’s luke warm? It’s been a long day and I’m tired.
Being a woman should count as a pre-existing mental condition.
Sometimes, when my husband has a day off, I like to bring the TV remote with me to work.