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I will not be satisfied until I see a car with one woman sticker and twelve cat stickers.
Ladies, not every guy who talks to you wants to bang you. Some of us know that you have booze and snacks in your purse.
Ladies, if a man says he will fix it, he will. There is no need to remind him every 6 months about it.
Beauty comes in all shapes & sizes. Small, large, circle, square, thin crust, thick crust, stuffed crust, extra toppings.
I wonder how seaworld would react if I walked in there with a fishing pole....
Give a fish some bread and he`ll eat for a day. Teach a fish to be a flying piranha and he`ll eat for a lifetime.
This pill bottle says `Take with plenty of fluids` and `Don`t take with alcohol`. That doesn`t even make sense
You know that chick who said, "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels?"... Yeah, well I ate her.
Statistics show the number one cause of failed relationships is opening your mouth and letting words come out.
Afterism (n) - A concise, clever statement you don`t think of until too late
Some people`s lives are like open books... Mine is like a trashcan without a lid.
Sweat pants & Uggs in public says "and I didn`t brush my teeth, either."
Whenever I hear "let me tell you the truth", I secretly cross my fingers, hoping they say "brownies are healthy, eat as many as you want."
You know it`s a classy establishment when they quietly ask you to leave.
Question everything...Or should you?