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You can make your life more entertaining by simply reaching out, and getting to know a whore.
Redneck Word : debate...i was gonna go fishin today but forgot to bring debate
Crap, summer is here and I`m nowhere near in drinking shape yet.
Quiet people have the loudest minds.
I dream of a better world where chickens can cross the road and not have their motives questioned.
If she asks what the weight limit is on your ceiling fan.... She`s a keeper!
The speed in which a woman says “nothing” when asked “what’s wrong” is inversely proportional to the severity of the sh!tstorm that’s coming.
Protip: Never look up from your breakfast if you hear the words "gruesome discovery" coming from your TV on the morning news.
I have no idea what a bejeezus is,,, but apparently mine scares easy.
Sorry I didn`t answer when you called, I had 6 Peeps in my mouth
It doesn’t matter how many signs I put up around the office, HR said high five a co-worker in the face with a shovel day isn’t a thing.
Home: Where I can look ugly and enjoy it.
I don’t let my friends do stupid things… ALONE!
It looks like bathroom tai chi but it`s me trying to trigger the automatic paper towel dispenser.
Every time I get an eyelash in my eye, I`m reminded of how quickly I would die in the wild.