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Somehow I thought growing up would involve more than staring at my phone
Don`t rush me, I`m waiting until the last minute.
My girlfriend and I have an open relationship and will continue to do so right up until she finds out.
It’s amazing how little information I need on someone before I decide I don’t like them.
sometimes i look at people and think really, thats the sperm that won.
Hmmmm what should I buy myself for Valentines day.
I enjoy long walks away from responsibility.
I’m going to start responding to videos people post of their babies on Facebook with videos of me getting nine hours of sleep.
I bought a box of "SO CALLED" Hot Pockets --- brought them home, and opened one to eat it, and the Damned thing was FROZEN ----- Miis-Advertizing at it`s BEST!!! Now what do I do with the Damned thing???? :-P
Today I noticed that the cover of my ironing board was wrinkled, and I laughed at the irony. Then I laughed again because of the word "irony."
If you`re going to walk a mile in my shoes, could you pick me up some booze on your way back?
I need to find a job where I am paid solely on how awesome I am.
Something tells me that girl with the word "Princess" tattooed on her neck isn`t really Royalty.
Why eat a carrot when you can just as easily not eat a carrot?
I think germs are so nice for waiting 5 seconds before attacking food that falls on the floor.