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RIGHT NOW YOU HAVE: 3 fingers behind your phone, your pinky tucked under for support and your scrolling with your thumb! LIKE if I’m right
The sun isn`t the only thing that rises in the morning...if you know what I mean ;)
Got kicked out of the hospital. Apparently the “head nurse” is just the one in charge of the other nurses.
Boys are like roses, watch out for the pr!cks...
What`s the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller" ?
Laugh if you will but this night-light has an undefeated record at repelling Boogeymen.
If we agree, I`m probably being sarcastic ... Or I`m drunk
People liking my status from a week ago on Facebook proves that I have stalkers.
Alcohol makes me worse at everything except telling secrets
Opening the Tupperware cupboard at home should be regarded as an extreme sport.
This patience thing takes forever.
When in doubt, procrastinate.
Happy St. Patrick`s Day! I was going to drink anyway!
Thank god that racist basketball guy showed up or we`d still be talking about how we`re not finding that airplane.
Things that don`t kill bees: 1. Furniture polish 2. Febreeze 3. Butter 4. Screaming