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Here is your New Years Resolution. All of that stupid sh!t you did last year? Don’t do that crap this year. Done. You’re welcome.
Got a problem with me? I’m pretty sure a status on Facebook won’t fix it.
Whenever I see a hot girl on the streets I`m like HOLY CRAP I`M OUTSIDE.
Summer is real cool until every f*ckin type of insect comes out of the 8th circle of hell.
I see your arguement contains a lot of swear words, you must really know what you`re talking about
I removed my windshield wipers and now I don`t get parking tickets. Suck it meter maids!
Don`t worry about the grass on the other side. It`s not your grass.
You had me at "I hate that b!tch too".
when i was little my dad told me that the icecream man only played music when he ran out of icecream well played dad well played
Debate?.....isn`t that what you use to catch "The Fish" ?
How come the voices inside of a crazy person`s head never say shit like "hey, go to the gym" or "hey, cure cancer" or "hey, don`t be crazy"?
I’m not a schizophrenic… At least, that’s what all the voices tell me.
Not that I expect 100% truth in advertising, but shouldn’t those women in the tampon commercials be wielding chainsaws and burning stuff down, not laughing and dancing?
Random Fact of the Day: Letting the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back in.
It’s called a “remote” because those are your odds of finding it when you want to change the channel.