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Good thing girls started uploading pictures next to a pool with the caption "Summer is finally here!" or we wouldn`t have known it`s summer.
Who do Walmart shoppers make fun of?
The pollen is so bad this year that the people in the trailer parks are turning their crystal meth back into Sudafed.
Facebook is proof that people should not be allowed to name themselves.
Found out today you`re supposed to urinate on a jellyfish sting, not a jelly stain. Sorry lady at the waffle house... just trying to help.
Coffee, you`re on the bench ... Alcohol suit up!!
loosing weight tip: turn your head to the left then to the right. Do this everytime you are offered food.
Example of the difference between `You`re`and `Your`: 1. "You`re nuts" = "You are nuts" 2. "Your nuts" = "What about my nuts?"
Decided to get in touch with my feminine side today... I made myself a sandwich!
I like going into McDonald`s and ordering an Egg McMuffin and a McChicken, just to see which one comes first.
Just once I`d like to see a stripper do the "Carlton" on stage.
50% of people believe sex is "the connecting of two people`s souls through two people`s bodies, as one." The other 50% are men.
Did a 5k today. Except it was how many calories I had at lunch.
Mom: Some scary old lady keeps FaceTiming me. Me: Mom, turn your camera around and she’ll go away.
I will be forever in your debt if you would just loan me 1 million dollars.