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Conspiracy theory for conspiracy theorists: Your conspiracy theories were planted by the government to distract you from real conspiracies.
I`m one more weekend on the couch away from being a throw pillow.
I love slip on shoes because you can slip them off just as easy to hit stupid people with them.
You call it multiple personality disorder... I call it being mayor of the little town in my head!
Don`t waste my timeline.
Another tragedy today in the music industry.....Justin Beiber was just found alive in his apartment. :(
"Paypal me your lunch money!" -Cyber Bullies
We all need that special person in our lives that makes it worth while to shave our pubes.
Yawning is our body`s way of saying 10% of battery remaining.
Grammar is important! Capitalization is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse and helping your Uncle jack off a horse.
Iām always in a rush to get home so I can do absolutely nothing.
I successfully cleared a path from the front door to the TV. Now I can watch Hoarders.
News flash! someone just found Carmon Sandiego!
I wonder if New York people find it weird to watch their own city being destroyed in Hollywood movies so many times..!!
Don`t tell me to make myself at home if you don`t want me to drop my pants and download porn on your computer.