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Drunk me loves creating awkward encounters for sober me.
Please don`t hastag out loud...
Hey NSA, we all know you`re there now. So click the approve on my Candy Crush ticket request.
Apparently when my math teacher asked `what comes after 69` "I DO" was not the correct answer.
At least clean up the bathroom before taking your profile picture.
When in darkness, pray. If you pray and nothing happens, I think it is the high time you paid your electricity bill.
I hate it when people hate me without even giving me a chance to give them a good reason to.
if a guy tells you you`re ugly ; he wants you, if a girl tells you your ugly; she`s jealouse, if you a kid tells you your`re ugly..... you`re ugly.
My credit card company called. They want me to leave home without it.
Right now my glass is half empty...Hey Bartender!!!
Just so you know, when you repeat what you just said I won`t be listening then either.
COCKADOODLEDOOOOOO!!!!
Not only am I a master of suspense, but I
I don`t get my neighbor. tells me to make my self at home but then gets pissed off when they come into the kitchen and I`m in my underwear making a sandwich.
Iām glad to know that we will never have to worry about a lack of weathermen. I mean, I know at least a couple dozen on Facebook.