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I wanna see Mythbusters do the bible.
Don`t threaten to leave people, surprise them by actually leaving.
Next time a stranger talks to me when I`m alone I will look at them shocked and just quietly whisper.... "You can see me?"
I thought I`d try yoga to make myself more flexible, but I`m still incredibly stubborn.
My Dr said I am a sex addict. I ask him how he knew and he said you are a man.
So apparently RSVP`ing back to a wedding invite `maybe next time` isn`t the correct response
Sometimes, when people are talking to me, I daydream about what they would do if I suddenly punched them in the face.
Up to date Girl Scout cookie sales by states: California: 138,000 Boxes Florida: 129,000 Boxes Virginia: 126,000 Boxes Colorado: 8 Million Boxes
My favorite mythical creature is the happy b*tch in tampon commercials.
Today is boozeday, I mean Tuesday...same difference!
If there`s anything I`ve learned in my 27 years, it`s to never admit your real age.
Holy sh!t Karma, how much longer till we`re all squared up?
Home is where the pants aren’t.
I don`t blame Congress. If I had $600 billion, I`d be irresponsible too.
People who say they suffer from constipation are usually full of sh!t.