Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
What idiot called it the sun instead of a space heater?
Even if I’m mad at my wife I should be mature enough not to flush the toilet on purpose while she’s in the shower, but it turns out I’m not.
The worst part about looking for a job is if you`re successful, you end up with a job.
I`ve always wondered how the job application process at Hooters works. Do they give you a bra and orange shorts and say, "Here, can you fill these both out"?
That logical moment when you`re watching Home Alone 2 wondering how child services haven`t taken him away from his parents yet.
Fact: 96% of all arguments end with somebody saying “Google that shit!”
There 492 billionaires in the United States, and not one of those goddamned losers has decided to become Batman.
I feel sorry for historians, they have such a hard time letting go of the past.
Hi, we`re a group of teens who solve mysteries! We wanna be taken seriously so we wrote a theme song about how we can`t ever find our dog.
Just so you know, I am already planning on being an a$$hole tomorrow.
I can understand your anger at me, but what could you possibly have against the horse I rode in on?
I dropped my affordable health care because I couldn`t afford it .
Violence is never the answer. Unless the question is `What is never the answer?`
For the past 3 years I have been planning to write an article on Procrastination!!!
I could actually watch golf on TV if Land Mines were involved.