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Two days is not enough time for a weekend.
I`m still kinda pissed that they never did tell us how to get to sesame street
"i wasn`t that drunk"..Dude!you tied me to a chair and bitch-slapped me,yelling "where`s Harry Potter!!"
It`s a good thing farting isn`t as contagious as yawning.
Some people should be very grateful I don`t have mob connections.
Sometimes when I`m bored, I pick out a girl from my list of FB friends that I`ve never actually met and then go back on her timeline and like every single post she made in like 2009......That should freak her out a bit...
I`m so sick and tired of my light weight friends who can`t handle their alcohol...Last night , they dropped me 3 times when carrying me out of the bar!
Hold boobs not grudges.
I guarantee there`s a pregnant teenager somewhere who thinks `Ebola` would be a lovely name for their child.
It`s weird to think that these Forever Stamps will outlive me.
Bad things happen to good people, so I`m pretty sure we`re all safe
Sometimes at the gym I`ll struggle and make all kinds of awkward grunting sounds, but eventually I`ll get my shorts on.
How about a cooking show called "Cookin crap in the Microwave".
Don`t hate me because I`m beautiful. Hate me because your man thinks I am.
You say hangover. I say out of booze.