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common sense is like deodrant. the people who need it thr most never use it.
Congratulations! You’ve just read this sentence.
I laid awake all night again worrying about why I’m always so tired.
The downside of DVR is getting freaked out by tornado warnings from four days ago
Do you know what sexual position produces the ugliest children? ... Go ask your mother.
When I die, I want people to say, "That guy owed me a lot of money"
I don`t exactly have a "to do" list. I have what you might call "If I ever log off Facebook and feel like getting around to doing it" list.
Do these people in movies who wander off into the woods alone at night not watch movies?
The Internet: where no one is afraid to say the first thing that pops into their head.
Wives give sound advice. 99% sound, 1% advice.
DAMN IT!!!!! I just ripped the tag off one of my Beanie Babies! Now it`s worthless!!
I don’t have a problem with friends who ask to borrow money. I love a good laugh as much as the next guy.
I hear you`ve been very naughty ... Go to my room!
Few people have the balls to admit when they`re wrong. Then again, few people have talking balls.
Don`t send me a ;) face and then wonder why I show up at your house naked.