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Why can`t I get service in my own home, but the god damn Taliban can upload videos from a cave in Afghanistan!?
People in love use phrases like “takes my breath away” and “swept me off my feet”. I think they’re confusing love with attempted murder.
Next time you over hear a stranger giving out their number. Text them details of what they are wearing. It`s so fun to watch them freak out!
My greatest talent is being able to watch 5 years worth of a TV shows in one week.
I never make plans until I know how I am getting out of them.
Some of us learn from the mistakes of others; the rest of us have to be the others.
Stages of beard length: 1.) sexy stubble 2.) sea captain beard 3.) prisoner of war beard 4.) homeless person beard 5.) wizard beard
Ever met a boring and stable girl who was good in bed? Exactly.
Some days, I think that Dexter dude has the right idea.
says if you don`t like the way I live my life, than there is some good news... you aren`t me!!
Blood moon, shooting stars....I gotta move to a safer galaxy
Lame! I was tricked into watching PS, I Love You! It`s definitely NOT about a guy that marries his PlayStation.
I’m posing nude for an art class this evening. Nobody asked me to. I think they’re making ceramic bowls.
My girlfriend isn`t much of a wrestler but you should see her box!!
I put the “Pro” in Procrastinate.