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We`re all just nudists in disguise.
Congratulations, U.S. Government, you are now officially more embarrassing than Miley Cyrus
says if you don`t like the way I live my life, than there is some good news... you aren`t me!!
I received an email from a hacker that had accessed my bank account. It simply read, "LOL".
I love that moment when I`m cruising down the highway listening to country music and I suddenly realize "wait a minute I can change the station!"
Getting back with your ex is pretty much the same as taking a shower, getting out, and putting back on the same old dirty underwear.
I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. It was way too literal for me.
It’s 2015, why cant you unselect a floor in an elevator yet?
A woman saying "I`m not mad at you" is like a dentist saying "You won`t feel a thing."
If a cop pulls over a U-Haul, he`s trying to bust a move.
Meanwhile on Facebook someone has made a casserole
I never cry over spilt milk. But, beer? That sh!t`s totally different.
The best time to re evaluate your life is when you find your self awake at 3 am reluctantly nodding yes to the questions being asked at the beginning of an infomercial
I`m smiling ... You should be scared.
My entire working knowledge of automotive repair is derived from the song "The Wheels on the Bus"