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When I said make yourself at home, I meant go wash my dishes.
A person who says they will never lie to you is probably lying already.
Delete cookies? Why on Earth would I want to do that?! I LOVE COOKIES
How do you know you`re old? ... Check your glove box for paper maps ...
I go to a gym called Resolutions. It has exercise equipment for the first 2 weeks of each year, then becomes a bar for the remaining 50.
I`m not saying your opinion is stupid, I`m just saying you`re stupid for having it
figured out today that my GPS has auto-correct....I put in "Beach house" and ended up in my ex`s driveway.
Best Relationship Advice: Make sure you’re the crazy one.
Shout out to old people for graduating high school without Google.
"That was supposed to be a compliment." -Men
Mo’ money, mo’ problems. This explains why I don’t have problems.
I`m placing myself in "time-out" until I`m able to play nice with others! This may take a few hours as there are stupid people everywhere!
Studies show that if you begin a sentence with "studies show," the internet will believe you.
Day six of my push-up challenge. So far, I`ve eaten 107 push-up pops.
Every time I make plans to eat better I can hear my stomach laughing