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Laugh now because when I die, I`m coming back to haunt you.
When your life flashes before your eyes does that include the black outs? That`d be cool. Like your life but with never before seen footage.
Success sleeps with u in private. Failure insults u in public ! Aa
Don`t blame the holidays, you were fat in August.
Hey! Wanna make $$$$$$ fast? Just follow my simple instructions. 1:Hold down the Shift key 2:Press the number 4 six times. It’s that easy.
I’m drinking while I work out…I call it Bacardio.
The true definition of safe sex is having a padded headboard.
How awesome would it be if boobs made maraca sounds when you shook them? LOL
You know what`s beautiful? Read the first word again.
Serving size ?? LMAO
If you`re going to give me dirty looks for being at the liquor store at 10am, don`t be open.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol at my house may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties.
Unless your name is “Google”, stop acting as if you know everything!
Pulling out a winter coat and going through the pockets to find out who I was 8 months ago.
My wife and I are pretty upset. It looks like someone broke in and surfed porn on my computer. They didn`t touch anything else, so that`s good.