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I`m trying to save up enough money to one day afford to save up money.
I used to date a girl with a lazy eye, but she was seeing someone on the side.
Does this green St Patrick`s Day beer count as a vegetable.
Stop complaining about being single. We have bigger problems here. Like why McDonald’s doesn’t serve breakfast after 10:30.
You know it`s good advice, when your still confused afterwards.
Not all girls are made of sugar and spice and everything nice. I`m made of sarcasm, wine and everything fine.
Nothing like calling off work and watching porn all morning.
Coffee is nature’s way of saying “Go ahead, get drunk on a weeknight, I got your back!”
You will always be my best friend ... You know too much.
life is short play naked
My friends are weird. They keep vegetables in their beer crisper. Freaks
Have you tried complaining about it for hours?
I just don`t understand why Flo from Progressive needs to have an apron on to sell car insurance.
Never date someone that works for your cell phone provider. Just sayin
Posting a status update before responding to someone`s text is the easiest way to let them know how unimportant they are.