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It must be really hard to judge a wet t-shirt contest because I saw one recently and all the t-shirts looked equally wet.
My salad pic. got more likes than your selfie.
I hate to admit it, but I’ve got a serious drinking problem. I don’t have any more money to buy liquor.
On the bright side, all that coal will keep me warm this winter.
Apparently when a trainer asks you why you want to get in shape and you answer "revenge" it will raise a couple eyebrows.
Yeah, you go ahead and climb that mountain "because it`s there", I am going to eat this Pizza "because it`s here"................................
Just once would I like to see the "Phone a Friend" lifeline on Millionaire go straight to voicemail.
My short-term memory is my ONLY problem..... Well, that, and my short-term memory
It’s like I wanna be left alone but I still want people to notice my absence, you know.
I ordered some bubble wrap online. It arrived in a box surrounded by packing peanuts.
I was pretty disappointed when my boss said we can`t do throw-back Thursday, or bring tequila shots to work
My relationship is like an iPhone, I don`t have an iPhone.
There is no better sunscreen than sitting in a bar.
Life is not like a box of chocolates. It`s more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today might burn your a$$ tomorrow.
My motto for the night ... drink till I no longer think :)