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Click Like, if you hate being told what to do.
Swag is for boys. Class is for men.
Of all the grotesque sounds coming from the bathroom stall next to me, the camera click was the most disturbing!!
I wish there was more BitStrips and photos of giraffes on my Facebook
The day I can get a correct order at a fast food establishment is the day I will support an increase in minimum wage.
Sorry just got your text. Do you still need to go to the hospital?
Does the 5 second rule apply to soup? Please answer quickly!
My chiropractor just told me that I`m well adjusted. See? Not everyone thinks I`m a total weirdo...
How come the voices inside of a crazy person`s head never say shit like "hey, go to the gym" or "hey, cure cancer" or "hey, don`t be crazy"?
You say Iām not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If Iām not cold, Iām hot. I know Iām hot. Thanks for embracing it.
Any guy can seem cool on a motorcycle. If you really want to know what kind of man you`ve got, watch him walk through a spider web.
If you`re wondering about who the oldest James Bond was, don`t google `old man bond age`
I`m paying my taxes with a smile, but they wrote me back saying they want cash.
Whenever I receive a text saying bahaha, I like to believe you are a sheep on drugs.
I bet there are muppets that have thought about shanking Elmo.