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Son to mom: why should I sweep the floor? Mom to son: do you want to be an Olympic Curl champion?
I love my work, but I would also love to never have to do it again.
I`d try Taco Bell`s breakfast but I don`t start drinking that early.
Being skinny might be nice, but having pizza is nicer.
I’m mad, but not as mad as someone asking to see the rules in the middle of a monopoly game.
McDonald`s sponsoring the Olympics is like Jack Daniels sponsoring the prom.
That awkward moment when the majority of people think your status is stupid.
Relationships, Marriages, work and children are what keep alcohol companies in business.
If you`re having second thoughts, you`re 2 ahead of most people.
Pringles should make their containers like a Push Up Pop.
Dear family, thank you for all those wonderful childhood memories ... Here`s my therapy bill.
Two of the greatest mysteries of the universe: 1) Why are we here? 2) How come Chinese restaurants don`t serve breakfast?
Naked and Afraid also describes the last time I spent a night at a Holiday Inn
The grass isn’t always greener on the other side. It’s greener where you water it.
You´d be amazed how often I´m wrong when people say guess what