Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Times change When I was a kid, werewolves and vampires were very scary. Now everyone wants to have sex with them
Tomorrow, I`m going to open up the time capsule I buried when I was a kid. I can`t wait to see how big my puppy got!
Your selfie would be way better if you weren`t in it.
why me is me ?
I used to date a magazine editor. But, I broke up with her because she just had too many issues. No YOU shut up!
Hey micky you`re so fine, you`re so fine you blow my mind hey micky! hey micky! Admit it, you didnt read it, you sang it
I met a lady named Polly once. She didn`t care for crackers, nor my sense of humor.
I like to follow random families around Disneyland for a day and just be in the background of all their photos.
The best thing about telepathy is.. I know, right!
I do this thing called "Whatever The F*ck I Want".
I`m starting a pay it backward campaign. When I get up to the drive through window I tell them that the car behind me is going to pay for it.
Went by the bank today and the female teller was flirting with me which was weird considering she saw my account balance.
After lengthy reflection, I’ve concluded that having kids wasn’t worth the seven times my son took out the garbage for me.
Sometimes I wonder if I could get away with murder, but then I remember I can’t even eat pancakes without getting syrup all over me.
Sometimes you just need to do something stupid while sober so that people will leave you alone about your drinking.