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Trying to figure out why I joined the gym when I have Photoshop.
I don`t think we do get smarter as we get older. I just think we run out of stupid things to do.
My phone just changed, `calendar` to `cake radar` and now I really wish I had that.
if your happy and you know it ---thank your ex
There`s a fine line between flirty and creepy. And that line is called being good looking.
Long time ago I used to be young and handsome.. Today? Just handsome
There was a piece of chocolate cake in the fridge and a note “Don’t eat me”.Now there’s an empty plate and a note “Don’t tell me what to do”
I love a woman in uniform. I mean naked.
I can`t tell if I actually have free time, or if I`m just forgetting everything...
Decided to get in touch with my feminine side today... I made myself a sandwich!
Surveys say 1 out of every 2 people suck at math. It`s terrible that 80% of the population can`t even do the easiest calculations.
I went to the store to buy some comdoms and the cashier asked me If I needed a bag ? "I replied No she`s not that ugly"
Browsing the internet when bored is like the virtual version of checking the refrigerator...
Marrying your high school sweetheart is like taking the banker`s first offer on Deal or No Deal.
I wish all my freckles would just mix into a tan.