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My son and his friends are great ... They always spray the house with air freshener before I get home.
The Shining is my favorite movie about what can happen when you spend too much time with family.
Here`s a list of helpful tips for meeting a great girl: 1. Don`t be me.
He said the spark between us was gone..so I tasered him..... Ill ask him again when he wakes up
Some of the best decisions I`ve ever made involved me clicking cancel instead of send
Anyone that says I`m a lover not a fighter has clearly never been in a relationship over 6 months
His idea of cleanliness is sweeping the room with a glance.
My life is a result of "it seemed like a good idea at the time."
Agreeing to disagree is lame. Let’s agree to take turns slapping each other until one of us admits we were wrong.
Shouldn`t the Air and Space museum be empty?
500 recipes pinned to my Pinterest board. Eating a peanut butter & jelly sandwich.
The worst part of quitting drinking is how few excuses you have for your behavior
My grocery cart right now says ” I’m getting drunk and doing laundry tonight!” And also. “I like fruit.”
There is a 3-for-2 sale in my local shoe shop. I almost bought myself a new pair of shoes, but couldn`t decide whether to get an extra left or a right one as part of the offer....
The best time to re-examine your life is when you find yourself reluctantly nodding to the questions asked at the start of an infomercial.