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Sometimes all you need is $100,000
I`m on this great new diet where I spend all my grocery money on strippers.
I never got the expression "complete idiot". Is there an Incomplete version?
Nothing good has ever come from answering a call from a blocked phone number.
Soup of the day: Beer
"I know im the best driver on the road" thinks every guy.
It`s almost 2014, I expect a toaster that pops the bread up in a less terrifying way.
I would rather cuddle then have sex. If you`re good with grammar you`ll get it.
The invention of the shovel was groundbreaking!
It’s not you. It’s my ears. They just make you sound so boring and dull.
Boobs are like model trains. They were originally for children but grown men always want to play with them.
I thought there`d be more sex during my sexual prime.
In life, you only need two tools - WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn`t move but should, use the WD-40. If it should not move and does, use the duct tape
The cop at your front door is never a stripper when you want them to be.
If I`m your emergency contact, for your sake, I hope that hospital sends texts too.