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Now there’s Adderall to perk up, Xanax to calm down, Prozac to feel normal. In my day we drank beer for all three.
Apparently, “I had an interview with a better company” is not an acceptable reason for being late for work.
I’m glad you’re learning to laugh at yourself. That was kind of getting awkward for the rest of us.
Somewhere, a smart Lasik surgeon has an office full of brochures that are all slightly out of focus and a recovery room where they have clear print.
iPhone is really a terrible name considering how rarely I use it as a phone. That`s like if my bed was named iSex.
My last relationship was a lot like The Notebook. It felt like it lasted forever and we both wanted to die towards the end.
I think I really have an amazing butt. Every time I talk to someone and start walking off they say "what an ass.."
Can Walmart be a feeling? I think that`s how I feel today.
People assume when I yawn that I’ve lost interest in what they have to say but truth be told, I was never interested.
I hate it when people are holding a device capable of using google and they ask me stupid questions.
There is no evidence that exists that life should be taken seriously.
“Let’s hang out sometime.” - liars
Capitalization can really change a sentence. Example: I love to eat candy ... I love to eat capitalization.
Seems like you must have been pretty stupid to get caught for murder in the 1800s
If nobody comes from the future to stop you, how bad can the decision really be?