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Nipples: Nature`s thermometer.
Girl: What`s the plan, get me drunk and take advantage of me. Boy: Good, you`ve done this before
The only Plato I care about is a big Plato spaghetti
Somehow the talk went a little wrong with my 7 year old and now he`s convinced that birds have sex with bees and now he won`t eat honey.
I don’t know how Godzilla doesn’t hurt himself. I once had to go to the emergency room after stepping on a Lego piece.
I`m painting a blue square in my garden, so that Google Earth thinks I have a pool.
People complain about auto-correct but it is helpful 99% of the titties.
Most problems can be solved with nudity.
I`d kill for a microwave that plays Europe`s “The Final Countdown” during the last 30 seconds.
Please don`t make me choose between you and porn.
I hate it when people dont know the differece between Ur and U`r
I finally quit eating pizza for good, now I only eat pizza for evil.
I hate being bipolar, it`s great .
I just had Déjà vu...and you were an asshole both times.
I thought there was a spider on the rug but it was just yarn.....it`s dead yarn now, though.