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Some relationships are like fat people, they don`t Workout!!
Texting typos can change your life. "Having a great time wish you were her"
I`m sticking to my guns ... I really should have washed my hands after I ate.
If you surround yourself with people funny enough to make you laugh till your abs hurt, you’ll never have to work out!
Nothing good has ever come from answering a call from a blocked phone number.
A genius would have put Kevin Bacon in Grease.
To the 84yo woman that won the $591 million dollar PowerBall, sup baby ;)
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Red, Trees Are Red ... F*ck? my gardens on fire!
pumpkin for sale, slightly used
I kinda dig you, want to hang out and stuff until we hate each other?
I’m glad people can’t see how I have them saved in my phone. Contact names like, “Don’t Answer” and “Douchebag” and “Owes me $100".
Agreeing to disagree is lame. Let’s agree to take turns slapping each other until one of us admits we were wrong.
this isn`t the status you`re looking for
Your silent treatment should be accompanied by a disappearing act.
Girls, dont read this please: Hey guys, isn`t it funny how our wives/or girlfirends really think that we care what they did that day? lol.....it never gets old.