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Everytime I see “ROFL”… I think of Scooby Doo trying to say “waffle”.
I`m having fruit salad for dinner, well, it`s mostly grapes...crushed grapes ...ok, it`s wine, I`m having wine!
While most people are becoming older and wiser, I´m becoming older and better at making stuff up as I go along.
Timeouts just give children a quiet place to plot your murder.
My friend told me he wants to be a secret agent. Based on that alone, I don`t think he`d be a good secret agent.
My number one rule to live by is: Don’t die.
Anyone want to come over and watch porn on my new flat screen mirrior?
It’s only a matter of time until “Security Cameras of Wal-Mart” is a reality TV show.
My wife just bought a $50 bottle of shampoo. So guys, party at my house this weekend because apparently we won the Lottery!!!
Soon ovens will come with webcams and wireless connections so that posting photos of your dinner will be even easier.
That urge you get to write "No one gives a sh!t" on someone`s status..
Maybe I`m not stalking you, maybe I just like your schedule
I think 90% of the software on my computer doesn`t do anything except send me notices that there`s a new version of it!
Just because nobody complains doesn`t mean all parachutes are perfect.
You know you`re getting old when Happy Hour is a nap.