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Pretty fed up with the fact that pandemonium almost NEVER involves pandas.
Just saw the book "Marriage for Dummies." ... Shouldn`t there be an "is" in there somewhere?
If you think I hate you ... I probably do.
Ways to tell a woman is mad at you: 1. She is silent. 2. She is yelling. 3. She acts different. 4. She acts the same. 5. She kills you.
Euphoria....the feeling you get when you finally beat "that" level on Candy Crush.
Facebook, Pinterest and Instagram have taught us that for every giant technological leap ahead, we will find a way to use it for dumb sh!t.
Not sure what my spirit animal is, but I am sure it has rabies
Babies are so cute because none of them are mine.
In reference to why men can sleep with lots a women and it’s fine, but women can’t sleep with lots of men or else they’re whores. “If a key opens a lot of locks, it’s a master key. But if a lock is opened by a lot of different keys, it’s just a sh!tty lock.”
I tell people that the secret ingredient in my cookies is “love,” but it’s actually “floor”
I only use the outdoors to get to another indoors.
Don`t judge a man by how low his pants hang below his a$$...just kidding, that`s a great reason to judge someone.
So far this is the oldest I`ve ever been.
BREAKING NEWS: Baby found in the middle of the Meteorite crash site,,, he is miraculously unharmed... Wrapped in what seems to be a red cape.
Technically, every picture is a before picture.