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I scream, You scream, We all scream, Because grandpa forgot his hearing aids again.
If you see someone wearing camouflage clothing, bump into them. It only takes a second of your time & it makes them feel like it works.
The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
I wish you could Google anything. Like, "Where is my phone?" and it would be like, "It`s under the couch, dumba$$."
Sticks and stones, break my bones, but hollow points expand on impact!
In a perfect world Taco Bell would deliver...
I hate when people try to make small talk on the elevator. "How`s it going?", "How about the weather?", "Where are your pants?".
Who needs Halloween decorations when I can just put up my selfies?
It`s fun to chant "Bloody Mary" three times into your car`s side mirror while driving at night and watch her jog to keep up
“Let’s eat, get drunk and watch people exercise” – sports fans
I have many talents... For example: Sleeping.
There are plenty of fish in the sea ...That`s cool and all....but I`m a human.
Anyone knows when is Facebook sending us the W-2 forms
Do a little dance... Drink a lot of rum... Fall down tonight...
I never drink unless I am alone or with somebody.