Daily Silly Status

Did you guys know grammar police rhymes with humorless a$$hole?

Hot Pockets: For when you want every bite to be a different temperature.

Jack Frost go away, come again another day. I need some sun, I need some sand, I need an island & a band. I`m bored with you & tired of the cold, so go away your getting old. Bring on the sun at one hundred degrees, some coconut oil & pina coladas please

A good lawyer knows the law. An excellent one knows the judge.

Some days your the bug; some days your the windshield.

My phone just changed, `calendar` to `cake radar` and now I really wish I had that.

I learn something new every day that I didn`t want to know.

The awkward moment when you set something down for a second and it disappears off the face of the earth.

This job fair sucks... They don`t have one F*cking ride...

I’ve discovered, the easiest way to change a flat tire is by not wearing a bra.

There is no evidence that exists that life should be taken seriously.

I have the worst case of morning sickness. No I am not pregnant, my body just rejects mornings.

By thigh gap you mean the distance between the KFC and my mouth right.

If the cupcake has some green sprinkles on it, it`s a vegetable, right?

Nothing tells your friends you`ve made it in life quite like owning a 4 slice toaster.