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I see the Seven Deadly Sins as more of a To-Do list.
Black Friday is the second closest thing to a zombie apocalypse except they want sales instead of brains.
If I saw a ghost, I would not be scared. I’d be like “Sit your translucent ass down, I have a lot of questions!”
Almost considered doing something with my life, but then I sat down and logged into Facebook.
After meeting me... my therapist is now in therapy...
Me at age 5 "I wish I had a $1" Me at age 10 "I wish I had $100" Me at age 17 "I wish I had $1,000,000" Me at age 26 "I wish I had $1"
I bet wrecking ball operators are some of the happiest people in the world.
sex is like a joke, some get it some don`t.....
Relationship status: sleeping in my bed diagonally.
Some people just bring out the psycho in me
If only mosquitoes sucked fat, instead of blood.
They don`t say "Get down Mr. President" anymore. Now they just shout, "Donald Duck!"
I`m so old, I remember when the internet didn`t have commercials.
Somewhere the inventor of yoga pants is near death from all the high fives and non-stop free tequila shots he gets.
Is there anything more awkward than when you are singing along to a song on youtube and the music stops loading.