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"Ramen." - Scooby Doo finishing a prayer.
I can alwasy tell when movies do not use real dinosaurs
I just got gas for $1.79... Unfortunately, it was at Taco Bell.
I bet anyone who`s had to fight a bear has snuck at least one hug in
There is a fine line between “hobby” and “mental illness.”
My greatest fear is standing on stage in front of millions while my Google search history is read aloud...
Was there even food before people started posting pictures of it on Instagram?
If kids get money for losing teeth, what do I get for all this hair I’m losing?
I have come to the conclusion that dryer lint is the cremated remains of all my missing socks.
Someone told me once that to have more confidence during sex, put in a live concert album while doing it. That way, you will hear applause every 3-4 minutes but I did it wrong. Accidentally put in a live concert album and all I heard was laughter!
If a door closes in your life...kick that f*cking thing open and continue to pursue your dreams.
I don’t make mistakes too often, but when I do it’s your fault.
Do you ever think if people heard our conversations they`d lock us up?
Confuse your coworkers today by telling them you`re going to the restroom to do a "number 3"
When I`m cleaning my room, 1% cleaning 29% moaning 70% playing with stuff I just found.