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It`s not so much blowing my diet as preventing the fudgesicles from developing freezer burn.
New Years Eve. It takes 24,367 bolts to put a car together and only 1 nut to spread it all over the road, please don`t drink and drive and become the nut
I was just awarded the first place trophy for laziness. All I need now is for someone to accept it on my behalf.
Is "drunk" an emotion? Because if it is, I am feeling SUPER emotional right now...
The worst part of being naked is not having pockets.
The best way to deal with dumb people is to never leave your house sober
A lot of people are only alive because I shed too much hair to ever get away with murder.
There just isn`t enough make-up in this world to cover up crazy.
My roommate is going on a date tonight.. He said he`s convinced she IS coming home with him.. I`ve covered his room in Justin Bieber posters.. Now we wait..
Nice try salad bars, there`s only one kinda bar I plan on attending.
Happy birthday to my Pet Rock who is 453,786,321 years old today!
I want to delete a bunch statuses, so if you guys could just message me your passwords that`d be great.
Me: I`m hungry. Fridge: I don`t give a sh*t. Cabinet: B*tch, don`t look at me. Freezer: Lol, you like ice? :-)
I hate to call it "one night stands"... I prefer the term "auditions"
That awkward moment when you can’t tell if it’s a Halloween costume or their regular clothes…