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Accidentally bought a bag of raw almonds. Turns out I don`t like almonds, I like salt.
Personality is 40% genetics, 40% upbringing, and 20% the last movie you watched.
I like playing with my dog when I`m high. Because I don`t have one when I`m sober.
I`m a multi-tasking procrastinator. I can put off a bunch of sh!t all at the same time.
With all the potato chip flavors available now, I see no point in buying actual food...
Guess what I saw today ... Everything I looked at. ;)
decided to burn lots of calories today so I set a fat kid on fire!
How come no one in a zombie movie has ever seen a zombie movie
Pretending I`m a pleasent person all day is exhausting.
You make me feel "I`m-typing-this-with-my-middle-finger" angry.
In retrospect, I suppose "harder" wasn`t the best choice of a safe word.
Eating Popcorn: 90% during the trailers. 10% during the movie.
I hope this coffee gives me the energy to look busy all day.
If I could have sex with anyone, living or dead, I would for sure pick living.
How many Weight Watcher points are in an entire bottle of wine?