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My girlfriend would be so mad if she found out that I`m telling people she`s my girlfriend.
Do whatever you want. And if it’s something you’re going to regret in the morning…sleep late.
I need a hug right now also five hundred thousand dollars in cash.
Somehow the talk went a little wrong with my 7 year old and now he`s convinced that birds have sex with bees and now he won`t eat honey.
It has been scientifically proven that any woman can be satisfied with only 3 1/2 inches — and it doesn’t matter if it is Visa or MasterCard
Defeat....the feeling you get when you realize the "next" level is just as hard......
There is no evidence that exists that life should be taken seriously.
I`d like to have a kid but I`m not sure I`m ready to spend ten years of my life constantly asking someone where their shoes are.
Understanding women number 476,395: Women like to talk about their feelings.
You know you had an interesting day when your Google search history includes "rubber panda".
Reverse cowgirl. Perfect for when you`re horny, but can`t stand to look at each other !
I drank so much vodka last night I woke up with a Russian accent.
In your face with a can of mace, make you cry all over the place!!
I always look out for #1 ... unless I`m walking thru my yard, then I look out for #2
Research is what I`m doing when I don`t know what I`m doing.