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You know why you like me ... Cause your f*ckin crazy too!!!
"There`s nothing sexier than a chick that knows how to work on cars" -Dudes, trying to get us to do that job too.
I just can`t seem to get a girlfriend even though I can speak two languages fluently. English and Klingon.
Bitches be trippin..... ok, maybe I pushed that one.
As a community service, I send random inmates letters how my life is going to cheer them up.
My car doesn’t have a passenger airbag but don’t worry, if we get in an accident all the McDonalds napkins in the glove box will cushion you
I just got a paper cut opening a box of Pop Tarts. There will be no more fancy breakfasts around here.
Well I made it through the day without beating anyone with a chair. I`d say my people skills are improving.
I am as lazy as the guy who designed the Japanses Flag
Don`t call me names, you don`t know enough words to describe me
How do we not have lightsabers yet? Its like scientists aren´t even trying.
If you think you have problems, remember that Malaysian man who told his wife he was flying to China... and now he can`t get out of his girlfriend`s apartment...
I think the saying "every man for himself" was made up by women tired of making sandwiches
All units be on the lookout, suspect is armed with hunky shoulders, soft eyes and dreamboat hair. I don`t even remember what he did anymore.
My method of going "offline" in FB chat is to just ignore you.