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If camera lenses are round, why are the pictures square?
Going to McDonalds for a salad is like going to a prostitute for a hug.
I started seeing this girl recently. She sometimes texts. Sometimes Whatsapps. Sometimes she emails. Sometimes she Facebooks. Im getting mixed messages.
How do you get to be that guy who waves the chopsticks at the the orchestra? I feel like I could do that.
Strangers are like birds. If you run at them screaming and waving your arms they will run away.
“Single and ready to mingle” is the fancy way of saying “Alone and desperate”
I’ve been that, done that, had that, lost that, needed that and felt that. Just a few of the many reasons why I always drink to “that”.
Don`t put off until tomorrow what you can avoid the rest of your life.
SNAUGHLING: Laughing so hard you snort, then laugh because you snorted, then snort because you laughed.
Apologising does not mean you are wrong and the other person is right, it just means you value your relationship more than your ego.
How can I be expected to make life choices when I still use my fingers to count?
That awkward moment when you take a bath in the middle of the day and don`t know whether to wear normal clothes or pajamas.
Me, on phone to credit card company: What if you just break my kneecaps and we call it even?
You seem to be very educated on the things you make up.
There`s no use worrying about things you can`t control. And the good news is, that`s pretty much everything.