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I may not be the best looking, wittiest, smartest or even the most successful person. I forget where I was going with this...
Monday is like canned spinach...I can can deal with it but I`d prefer something else.
There are a thousand better ways to spend your time and yet here you are with me.
Perhaps your whole purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others
Rappers seem to have an unhealthy interest in female dogs, don`t they?
It`s amazing how many people are diagnosed with a disease as soon as there`s a pill available for it.
I ordered some bubble wrap online. It arrived in a box surrounded by packing peanuts.
Think about how much more stressful life’s most stressful moments would be if accompanied by the running-out-of-time music in Mario Bros.
Sex Ed should require them to listen to a crying baby for 5 hours, and to watch the same episode of a cartoon over and over again.
On cold mornings like this I just tell outrageous lies and hope my pants catch fire.
Yes... I repost. Isn`t that kinda the point? Spread the love and shit? Mostly shit... But that`s your fault...
It`s remarkable how much I can get done out of sheer spite.
Maybe I`m not stalking you, maybe I just like your schedule
My most heavily used kitchen appliance is a fire extinguisher.
Remember when mowhawks meant you were a tough punk rocker? Now they just mean that you`re 3 and your parents are idiots.