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Oh no! I have to enter my date of birth to view this explicit content! Damn this internet security!
All I see on Facebook is penis, orgasm, bang him, bang her, bullwhip, masturbate, porn, tits, and then I read everyone else`s posts..
This Crazy Weather Makes Me Want To Masturbate Furiously!!!
A man asks a trainer in the gym: "I want 2 impress that beautiful girl , which machine can I use?" Trainer replies: "Use the ATM"
Sure, we can be friends. I get to be Chandler.
When you screw up, menopause can be a wonderful excuse for stupid things you do or say!!!
If you have attention deficit disorder, throwing boomerangs isn`t for you.
I Googled, “Who gives a sh!t?” and I was not in the search results.
Tattoos are an expensive and a painful way to guarantee that the police can make a positive identification
Have you ever looked at someone and realized "WTF" is always what immediately comes to mind?
I will be back in 5 minutes, if I am not then please read this again! :D
My Life Alert bracelet says.....: I`m Just Napping
Picking up someone at a bar when you`re drunk, is like going to the grocery store hungry... You end up taking home crap you didn`t want
Mirrors don`t lie. Lucky for you, they don`t laugh either.
The majority of life`s greatest lessons are learned while observing your drunk friends.