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A hospital is the only commercial establishment where the worse service they provide you, the more you`ll come back.
Please, Lord, let me prove that winning the lottery won´t spoil me.
I`m having one of those days where my middle finger is answering all my questions...
Sticks and stones, break my bones, but hollow points expand on impact!
The bed is always the comfiest right at the time you are supposed to be getting out of it
Dear middle finger, Thank you for sticking up for me.
Shoot for the moon, and even if you miss, you and your motivational crap is far away
I admit ive been known to wrap bacon in bacon just for the extra bacon flavor
If my jokes offend you: 1. I’m sorry. 2. It won’t happen again. 3. 1 & 2 are lies. 4. You’re a wussy.
Cats would be even more stuck up if they knew how much the internet loves them.
If he remembers your eye color after the first date, then you probably have small boobs
50% of people believe sex is "the connecting of two people`s souls through two people`s bodies, as one." The other 50% are men.
Is it rude to put *vomits* under someone`s post ?
One man`s LOL is another man`s WTF
So today my gym was crowded...at least I think it was a gym...Do gyms usually have drive thrus?