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Could you please put your screaming baby on vibrate.
When I want your opinion, I’ll give it a funny voice.
Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the people I can not change.
Hey Ladies..Prince charming is Gay and living with Mr. Right
Life is never more confusing than when three people get together to order one pizza.
If your dog loves hanging his head out the window of the car as you are driving, but growls when you blow in his face, you may need a breath mint.
Let`s be honest. The only reason you listen to your voice-mail messages is to make the stupid icon disappear
Every day is a constant battle of trying to convince myself I don’t like cookies.
If you lose a tooth as an adult, the tooth fairy gives you a trailer.
I`m starting to think I overuse exclamation points. It ends today. Right now. I`ll never ever use one again. I`m so excited about it. Yes.
Sometimes my brain is like the bermuda triangle...Information goes in then it`s never found again..
I like how the package for cotton swabs says don`t put them in your ears and everyone in the world is thinking: "WTF else would I do with them?!"
You can not force anyone to love you ... The best you can do is stalk them and hope they give in :)
Apparently I`d rather debate in my mind whether or not to get up and pee than sleep.