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I hate it when people beg for likes, like if you agree?
Our #1 problem in this country is that nobody wants to take responsibility for anything ...but please don`t quote me!
The Manning`s Thanksgiving is going to be awkward this year. "Eli, can you pass the stuffing- oh wait, you better let Peyton do it."
Detroit and Chicago seem to be getting it right as of late. Limit all politicians to two terms. One in elected Office and one in prison.
When you put ‘aspiring’ in front of your chosen profession. What I hear is: I’m unemployed.
I`ve heard that men that are married live longer, but i`ve also heard that men that have sex live longer. Anybody know which one of them is true?
I can`t stand people who use song lyrics in their status` because they remind me of sombody that I used to know
I really want to talk to you about how I don`t want to talk to you.
Screw your recommended serving size. You don`t know me.
I told you a million times do not exaggerate!
Size does matter ... When ordering a pizza
The real fountain of youth is to have a dirty mind and a naughty smile.
The inside of my fridge: evidence that I’m still not a real adult.
Hangry: (noun) a state of anger caused by lack of food. May evoke negative change in emotional state. Translation -- Feed me or I`ll kill you.
The reason I don`t play Scrabble online, is that I can`t throw the tiles at the person who beats me.