Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
You look happy. Let me see what I can do about that. - Life.
I have no time for games in my relationships. Unless by games you`re referring to naked twister. I`ve always got time for that sh!t.
The face jewelry is getting out of hand. I saw a guy today that looked like he had done a face plant in a tackle box.
I`m still waiting for that fairly tale scene where the animals clean everything for me.
Growing up is when you go from using drugs for fun to using drugs for survival.
Whoever said imitation is the sincerest form of flattery hasn`t had a 7yo mimicking their every word for the last 10 minutes.
Instead of cars warning us of stupid things, like the door is open, it should tell us useful things, like there`s a cop hiding in the bushes
I can`t get the cork off my dinner.
For years I thought hitchhikers were just complimenting my driving.
Apparently it was a bad idea to ask Siri, "What do women want?" She`s been talking for the last 2 days and doesn`t seem ready to shut up anytime soon.
Iām alone in my car. Counting it as a vacation.
When I drink I become everybody`s friend which makes up for my hating everybody when I`m sober.
Lets watch a reality show about nasty rednecks acting like rednecks, but get mad when one of them says something a redneck would say
what I hate about technology is that even my book ran out of batteries
Do Me: a favor. - Punctuation is important.