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According to my nipples, summer is over
My roommate is on a date and said he`s convinced she`s coming home with him tonight. I`ve covered his room in Justin Bieber posters. Now we wait.
Just like our bodies, our minds need exercise. That`s why I think of jogging every morning.
I don`t think we do get smarter as we get older. I just think we run out of stupid things to do.
People ask me what my secret is to losing weight and I tell them not having money to buy food
I just caught my husband smiling in his sleep. He`s going to pay for that later.
My kids are the reason I wake up every morning. Really freaking early. Every...Single...Morning...
I’d be unstoppable if it wasn’t for law enforcement and physics.
Good judgment comes from bad experience, and most of that comes from bad judgment...
I can`t wait to be ashamed of what I do this weekend
There are 2 kinds of people I can’t stand: Nosy people, and people who won’t tell me what in the hell is going on.
Look up procrastinator on Wikipedia. There’s a picture of me. Well there isn’t yet, but there will be. Probably by tomorrow. Maybe Tuesday.
roses are red, violets are blue, god made everyone beautiful, what the hell happened to you?
I haven`t owned a watch for I don`t know how long.
Alright, I give up! I`ve listened to the song like 50 times now, and I still don`t know what the fox is saying!