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Seems like my body should have better things to do than make nipple hair.
One of the greatest things about owning a dog is how happy they are to see you even though you just stepped out of the house for 30 seconds.
Four out of five voices in my head are saying this is gonna´ be a great day.
I`m not above slashing my own tires to avoid going to this family brunch.
If the river were beer and I was a duck, I would swim to the bottom and never come up..
If listening to stupid people burned calories, I`d be a supermodel.
I`m not crazy, but I am a carrier.
Pregreening - creeping forward while waiting for a red light to change.
Pro tip for picking up girls - keep your back straight and lift with your knees.
If I owned a pet store Id put a different rat in the turtle cage every night just to see if any of the turtles knew karate the next morning.
I don’t have nightmares... I create them for others ;-)
If you`re "just sayin", then just shut the hell up.
It should really be called teethpaste.
Yeah... I may be old... But I`m still hot..... They just come in flashes now!
Hope dogs are kissing us and not trying to see if we started tasting good yet.