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Why don’t we just take the safety labels off of everything and let this stupidity problem solve itself?
In an alternate universe cats feed humans Lean Cuisines while muttering "I don`t know how you eat that sh!t".
Texting while driving is incredibly stupid and dangerous ... You`re practically begging for typos.
OMG! A CUSTOMER ALMOST DIED IN FRONT OF ME TODAY!! But then I counted to 10 and put the scissors back in the drawer. She never even knew.
There`s something I need to get off my chest: Darned Cheetos crumbs.
The hardest part about a Zombie Apocalypse is pretending I’m not excited.
Driving to work would be so much better if I didn’t always end up at work.
If I could be any animal I`d pick a turtle, strictly for the chance, however slight, I could be turned into a ninja.
My parents say I was an unplanned child, which probably explains why my life isn`t going to plan.
Just because I’m smiling, doesn’t mean I don’t want to hit you in the face.
"Woo, I`m on a roll today, baby!" -butter
I got a new high score today ... Sadly, it was on my bathroom scale
Why is it always the same person getting in your way from start to checkout at the grocery store?
How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two, but the more important question is, how did they get in there in the first place?
You know that little thing inside your head that keeps you from saying things you shouldn`t? ... Yeah, I don`t have one of those.