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Why hasn`t anyone invented a button next to the snooze which emails your boss to say you`re gonna be late?
When cleaning my house: 1% Cleaning 30% Complaining 69% Playing with stuffs that I just found.
Childhood is like being drunk. Everyone remembers what you did, except you.
If you`re reading this then I`m wishing you a Happy New Year! Stay safe, have fun, and remember, I like New Years gifts too!
Just googled "who gives a sh!t?" My name wasn`t in the search results.
DO NOT LIKE THIS… Unless you’re a sexy beast.
Why would anybody put 99 bottles of beer up on a wall in the first place?
I don`t get enough credit for not going on killing sprees.
Men would be way more excited about cleaning if spray bottles made a laser noise.
You can`t Febreze bullshit.
I decided I really need to read more. I watch way to much TV ... So I turned on the subtitles.
“Can we talk tomorrow?” is my way of saying “I’ll try to do a better job of avoiding you tomorrow?”
Had a bad mixup at the store today. Cashier said strip down facing me. Apparently she meant my credit card.
My memory foam has amnesia
Just called the fire department to tell them that dogs pee on fire hydrants so they should probably all wash their hands.