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Mowed the lawn yesterday with my shirt off and this morning there were 50 shirts left on my porch with a sign that said, "Please wear."
Insomnia is very common. Try not to lose any sleep over it.
Every time I use a public bathroom, I always wonder why so many people have Sharpies on them at all times.
I just realized there are more toes in the world than people
If you have a dog grooming business and it’s not called “Doggie Style” then something is wrong with you.
I`ll be back before you can pronounce actillimandataquerin altosapaoyabayadoondib ab!
You`d think Pizza Hut would be able to upgrade to a house by now.
The old saying "I wouldn`t wish this on my worst enemy"... Clearly you have forgotten why they are your worst enemy.
Why is it that most nudists are people you don`t want to see naked?
Who`s more foolish, a fool or the person who takes a fool`s advice?
I bet cats are mad they can’t sit on televisions anymore.
The first person to see a sunset was probably like well this ain`t good.
Most people who think I`m a nice person have no idea that I`d trade any one of my kids for a deep dish pizza.
Sometimes I get a little sad and feel like being alone. But then I talk to my dog about it and he reminds me I`m Awesome. Then WE DANCE.
From what I can piece together, this Pitbull character enjoys "partying"