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"It seemed like a good idea at the time"............................... An often used phrase in a lot of my memories.
Porn is so unrealistic. There`s no way a guy with a ponytail could have a house that nice.
Today is one of those “yeah, I’m not getting anything done” kind of days.
Last year in college football Alabama beat Arkansas, Tennessee, and Auburn. Those teams coaches all resigned. Any chance of Alabama playing agsinst the White House this year?
An apple a day is bullsh!t. Apples are dangerous. Just look at Eve, Snow White, Blackberry or any pig at a luau.
I don’t like to think before I speak. I like to be just as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.
This haunted house sucks. It`s just people sitting in cubicles under fluorescent lights looking sad. Wait, I`m at work, sorry.
I wonder how often I’ve narrowly avoided death without even noticing.
Called AA by mistake. Those drunks can`t change a tire for sh*t.
It`s bad luck to be superstitious.
Me: But where do you see this relationship in five years? Her: Sir! For the last time, do you want extra cheese or not?
I wish I can start a new diet, but there`s a bunch of old diets I haven`t finish.
Being gay is fine. Being lesbian is fine. Being straight is fine. But do you know what’s not fine? Wearing crocs. That is NOT okay
All I`m saying is there`s a reason all the best love songs have the word crazy in them.
You know that look women get when they want sex ? ..........me neither.