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Me: spends 12 hours comparing teams before completing NCAA bracket, loses $50. GF: Spends 5 minutes picking teams with "cute" mascot names, wins $1000.
"Please don`t put a million dumb photos of me on your Facebook... it just annoys your friends" - Every baby
"I don`t know why people dislike jury duty. I think being able to play god with others` lives sounds fun!" - How I got out of jury duty
I dare you to spit on this status.
The secret to success is knowing who to blame for your failures.
I`m single by choice. Not MY choice. But it`s still a choice
If you’re a size 0 we shouldn’t be able to see you.
I`m God`s gift to women if he stopped at a gas station last minute.
I`m not mental, other wise the rubber duckies would have told me by now...
Don’t confuse my personality with my attitude. My personality is who I am. My attitude depends on who you are.
Sorry about last night texts. My phone was drunk.
Humpty Dumpty was pushed I tell ya. PUSHED!!!!!!
If a cannibal ate a comedian, that would lead to some funny sh!t.
This is odd?!?! The hour we lost this weekend was the one when I was planning to go to the gym.
The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!