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I got on-line to check the weather...That was 12 years ago.
I love my work, but I would also love to never have to do it again.
So,do people in England speaks American now that people in America speaks English?
Statistics show that 3 out of 5 people.. aren`t the other 2.
Do handjobs from girls who speak sign language count as blowjobs
If you piss off a girl, just play dead. That sh!t works with bears and they`re just as dangerous as angry women.
i was sooo funny i cracked me off.......
The saddest thing about St. Patrick`s Day is taking down all my Christmas decorations.
LIKE if you hide your favorite food from your family
Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work and driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for — in order to get to the job you need to pay for the clothes and the car, and the house you leave vacant all day so you can afford to live in it.
The only thing instant glue sticks to instantly is fingers.
Facebook should make it to where it says, `Went from being in a relationship` to `Problem solved.`
Whoever said you can’t “like” your own status is just not awesome enough to do it.
People ask me why I don`t have tattoos. Seriously, would you put a bumper sticker on a Lambourghini?
Hello, fire department? Is this Mr. February? Yeah, I`m stuck in a tree. Uh, I mean... meooow.