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The worst part about calling in for a sick day is the pressure of knowing you only have one shot to do the “I’m sick” voice.
They say the camera adds 10lbs. Stop eating cameras!
If I hit snooze 3 times it should automatically send an email to my boss saying I’ll be out sick.
Can you imagine if Facebook just decided to shut down and you see all these confused teenagers coming out of their house squinting at the sun/
My boss says I intimidate the other employees, so I just stared at him until he apologized
I hate it when the movie trailer is better than the movie itself.
If I had a nickel for every time someone called me OCD I`d have 27 dollars and 15 cents.
Chili for breakfast. Cause I hate my Co-workers.
is spending my children´s inheritance.
The whole purpose of vacationing is to make you appreciate knowing where the channels are at home.
My kids are giving all the people on this airplane a hard lesson in birth control right now.
I`m just like the ghostbusters, except I chase squirrels around my neighborhood with a vacuum cleaner
"What`s wrong?" "Oh it`s personal" Then, why`d you post it to Facebook.
Underachieving Sunday through Wednesday, overachieving Thursday through Saturday.
If you cut your child`s sandwich into squares instead of triangles, you suck at parenting...