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Sunglasses: allowing you to stare at people without getting caught. It`s like Facebook in real life.
No one is more confident than a drunk girl wearing a guy’s hat sideways.
I wonder if one day somebody will knock on my door and say to me, “Hey ,we have 7 mutual friends in Facebook; may I come in?"
Being cremated is my last hope for a smoking hot body!
Who cares, WTF, OMG, so inappropriate, HOLY HELL ! Good LORD, not another selfie...WHOA NELLIE, NO, NO, and HELL NO!!! Me before unfriending someone.
I imagine a world where whining on Facebook is illegal.
I was told today to look at my life from a different perspective. I`m lying on the floor now and the shit still looks f*cked up.
The truth is, I find it very stressful that Smokey thinks that I`m the only one that can prevent forest fires. I don`t feel trained for this, and I certainly didn`t sign up for the position.
I used to date this girl that worked at Hasbro, but I finally got sick of all her games.
I think "Don`t Kid Yourself" would be a great brand name for birth control pills....
When I`m home alone and I walk into the basement, I start talking out loud about all the karate I know.
It`s so strange to think that before Facebook all of this nonsense just stayed in people`s heads.
Home: The place where I can look ugly and enjoy it.
U have 10 fish, 5 drown, 3 come back to life. how many fish do you have?? stop counting smart one fish can`t drown
My Wife asked, "Would you like a romantic interlude?" I said, "Does a bear crap in the woods?". Wish I`d just said `Yes`, she`s been on Google ever since.