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Drying out wet fireworks in the oven is not a good idea. Trust me on this
I have to wonder why we have "non-essential" government employees in the first place.
I can´t wait until Weight Watchers comes out with a beer.
A bee will knowingly risk its own life just to cause you a little pain. I can totally relate to that feeling.
Of course your opinion matters. Just not to me.
Whenever someone tries to get too friendly with me, I like to call them by the wrong name to remind them of where we stand.
There’s nothing better than a nap after a good nights sleep.
I really like it when women check me out, they seem to be able to work the register a lot better than men.
Having children is a fantastic source of free labor.
Olive Garden says “When you’re here you’re family”, how could they expect me NOT to think I’m entitled to a free meal.
Yes Officer, I carry a knife, but that`s just in case I find a cake.
I stay up late every night and realize it was a bad idea every morning.
no..i am not drunk, floors needs hugs too ! :p
People will believe anything if you whisper it.
If you`re "just sayin", then just shut the hell up.