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Don`t be afraid to laugh at yourself you could be missing out on the joke of the century.
We got about 5-6 inches of snow here in the last 24 hrs, or, according to men, we got 8 inches.
Found out today that you`re supposed to urinate on a jellyfish sting, NOT a jelly stain. Sorry, strange lady at the Waffle House. Just trying to help...
My doctor prescribed me xanax instead of birth control pills I asked for. Now I have 9 kids, but I don`t care.
Just think about all the stuff you aren`t thinking about.
What a snow day inside with the kids! My one son thought it would be a good idea to fill up the garage freezer with snow to save for later and my other son had an "accident" and peed all over the floor in the bathroom. Youd think they know better at 13 and 15 years old! I probably should stop letting them drink beer in the house.
Marriage is like a public toilet. Those waiting outside are desperate to get in. Those inside are desperate to get out
If I was a cab driver I`d yell "ROAD TRIP" every time I got a passenger
I wonder what happens when a doctor’s wife eats an apple a day.
Be careful on how tough you are on your kids....Strict parents create sneaky children.
The number of lies told by men would decrease significantly if women stopped asking questions
"Do you have a charger?" is the new "Could I bum a cigarette?"
Depending on how you look at it, half of 8 could be 4, 3, or 0.
Expect nothing and you`ll be impressed every day.
What`s Forrest Gump`s password? 1forest1