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Have I posted my Alzheimers joke yet?
One thing I`ll never understand is alcohol free wine
Bathtub` spelled backwards is still `bathtub`. It`s not, but for a second there, you believed me.
You can always make any conversation awkward by pulling out and starting a stopwatch without saying why you’re doing it.
If the cigarette tax is meant to discourage smoking, is the income tax meant to discourage working?
I`m looking up in the sky and I have no idea which cloud has all my data
For Lent I`ve decided to give up my New Year`s Resolutions
When I`m in a good mood I act like I`m I`m in a bad mood so nobody approaches me and ruins my good mood.
Marriage Tip: If your husband is watching golf, show him you`re interested by repeatedly asking "why doesn`t our lawn ever look that nice?"
Picture a scavenger hunt where the only items on the list are "your house keys" and "your house." Well, son, that`s what drinking is like.
Just heard about this teacher who had sex with her student. Another reason I won`t send my dog to obedience school
Gotta admire people who drive with one hand holding on to a mattress tied to the roof.
If I could have a superpower, it would be the ability to watch people workout and then absorb their health benefits...
Make librarians cry by calling it a Book Museum while taking pictures with your iPad.
When I say "Have a nice day." Remember the f*cker on the end is silent.