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The first to apologize is the bravest. The first to forgive is the strongest. The first to open the vodka is the smartest.
I can`t tell them apart, was that Milli or Vanilli doing the sign language at Madela`s funeral?
Unlike milk, it is acceptable to cry over spilled beer.
Don`t hate me because I think I`m beautiful.
so I got really drunk last night, but I was good and took a bus home. the only problem I have now is I dont remember where I put the keys to the bus.
This post is just for you.
Walmart calls them self checkouts, I call them I might not pay for some of this.
For a guy who cant figure out how a remote works my dad sure has a lot of advice for Obama.
Every novel is a mystery novel if you never finish it.
The hardest question of the weekend.. can or bottle?
There’d be less accidents if there was a texting lane.
I hate it when someone starts to tell me something, then says "Never Mind".
I just bought a medical alert bracelet that says ... "Probably just sh!tfaced."
Apparently a teen in Brazil died after jerking off 42 times without stopping. So incase you were wondering. ...41, guys,...that`s the limit.
I`m giving up procrastination for Lent ... starting tomorrow.