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Million dollar idea: Alarm clock that releases spiders... NOW you`re up.
Had a blast doing my Black Friday tradition!!!! I slept!
keeps getting dirty voicemails from unknown numbers. If it`s you.. Send more
It`s really quite simple ... I do what I want! ... The End.
Zebras are just horses that escaped from prison.
I found out that middle age is were you finally get your head together and then your body starts falling apart
Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity........thats how rich I want to be.
For Christmas I just want summer...
I once wrestled an anaconda for 4 straight hours... Then I realized I was just masturbating.
Relationship status: running out of films on Netflix.
Anyone who knows me obviously knows a shit ton about awesomeness.
If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?
I`m perfect you adjust.
At the end of each day, life should ask us, `Do you want to save the changes?`
I have a tattoo of a gigantic bruise on my left ankle in case anyone ever asks me to go hiking. Or help them move.