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Honesty is the best policy, unless you`re trying to return something that you`ve already worn.
According to a recent study 52% of women have used vibrators....I`m guessing the other 48% have new ones?
According to my neighbor’s journal, I have boundary issues.
I just took a 5 hour energy and a sleeping pill...LET THE BATTLE BEGIN.
If your ever wondering who your real friends are all you have to do is delete your facebook account for about week without saying anything and see who calls
Oh, he uses you for sex? Stop bitching…Sex is awesome. Complain when he’s using you for laundry….. or a human shield.
My ex-wife once left a note on the fridge: "It`s not working. I can`t take it anymore. Gone to stay with Friends." I opened the fridge, the light came on, and the beer was cold. Not sure what she was talking about!
I`m not crazy I`m just special! No wait maybe I am crazy.. One second, I have to talk to myself about this hold on...
A procrastinator`s work is never done...
I was watching craps at the casino all night until security finally dragged me out of the bathroom.
it`s a fact that flies on screens are not afraid of cursors
Do not worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older it will avoid you.
I can`t wait to be ashamed of what I do this weekend
This spider just got away from me because I made the classic villain mistake of telling him my whole evil plan before killing him.
If we meet offline and you look nothing like your photos, you`re buying me drinks until you do.