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United States is where moms get a day and shark get a whole week.
Was sitting and doing nothing. Then I realized I could be sitting and doing nothing on Facebook. So here I am.
"Please don`t put a million dumb photos of me on your Facebook... it just annoys your friends" - Every baby
I`m starting to think the Hangover Fairy and the Angel of Death are the same person.
If you live by the sword, I guess that is pretty cool. I live by some trees and shit.
The best way to deal with dumb people is to never leave your house sober
I keep my landline active because I know sooner or later Trinity or Morpheus will contact me.
When I was a kid... No wait. I still do that.
The relationship was going so well until I left my phone unlocked.
I just found out my smoke detector comes with a warranty. WHAT FOR? If it don`t work, what`s left?
Happy Birthday to someone I would donate some non-essential organs to, and the fact that a Facebook reminder told me it was your birthday doesn´t make it any less special. Plus I live so far away that your birthday requires almost no effort on my part. And sorry I tried to kill you all those times when we were
99 Days Facebook Free? Big deal! In 1999 I went a whole year without Facebook.
Back in my day we rode our bikes without helmets and we turned out fine. And you know what else? Back in my day we rode our bikes without helmets and we turned out fine.
Just saw a guy checking out my wife. Good luck buddy. I’m married to her and I don’t even have a chance.
Roger that command center, we have arrived at our destination and will commence countdown..............Sir this is McDonalds how may I help you