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one of the Olsen twins got married earlier today! when the fiance was asked "which one???" he replied "who cares???"
In post apocalyptic movies everyone wears leather ... but there are no cows.
You guys ever trip out on the fact that Indian people eat Indian food for breakfast?
I hate it when I mentally undress a woman and my OCD kicks in and I start folding her clothes.
Blacking out when you’re drunk is god’s way of telling you that it’s none of your business what you do when you’re drunk.
I got passed by a Prius on the Interstate and now I’m legally required to pee sitting down.
Women have to deal with periods, pregnancy, childbirth, menopause and hot flashes. Men have to deal with women.
My blind neighbor sure does take his dog on a lot of walks...
All I ask for is a chance to prove money can`t make me happy.
Women want a lot of things from one man. Conversely, men want one thing from a lot of women.
i have noticed you notice me noticing you
if it has tits or tires sooner or later it will give you problems.
I always hear people say that a dog is man`s best friend, but I don`t even have enemies who`ll look me dead in my face while taking a sh!t on my carpet.
Nothing sadder than the look on my dogs face when I drop food from the table and they realize it`s lettuce.
I’m usually that person who has no idea what’s going on.