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You`re from my dreams... Or nightmares. I can`t decide which.
The day I can get a correct order at a fast food establishment is the day I will support an increase in minimum wage.
I get a real kick out of people who drive a mile in their car to run a mile on a treadmill.
I can eat anything in the house unless it was specifically bought for my wife but the only way to know it`s for her is to eat it. Apparently
Could you imagine if guys commented on their guy friends` profiles the way girls do? "Bro, you look so handsome" "Looking hot, man!" "OMG, your jawline is cray" "Ugh, how are you this perfect dude? I`m jelly" "sexy much?!"
I once had the desire to do something worthwhile with my life. Then I discovered naps.
On the bright side, it’s Friday Eve Eve Eve.
That akward moment you try and deep throat a banana and get caught ... and your a dude.
am feeling lazy......... jst like the guy who desighned the Japannese flag
People in glass houses can throw whatever they want. They live in a glass house, I`m not expecting them to be practical
Making good decisions doesn’t really go with my outfit.
Here`s where I draw the line: ___________________________.
You know you`re a mom when someone says they have a stomach ache and you ask if they pooped today.
The only thought I have for the weather lately is that someone somewhere is losing a game of Jumanji.
The reason I don`t play Scrabble online, is that I can`t throw the tiles at the person who beats me.