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Do you ever think that if it weren`t for someone smoking Marijuana they might of killed you already. . .
It’s proving very difficult to find a shop selling “Left Guard” for my other armpit…
I wonder if angry people know about naps?
Dear Alcohol, Will you be my valentine? ?
Sorry, I didn’t get your message because I deleted it without listening.
GIRLS: To make a guy panic, simply ask, " Notice anything different?`... works EVERY time
Who has time to monitor followers/unfollowers? I can barely keep track of my kids and I only have 1 of those ... Wait ... Two. I have 2 kids.
Broke up with my girlfriend. She was into the horoscope stuff and we weren`t compatible. I`m a libra and shes a...b!tch
How many HA’s equal a LOL? How about a LMAO? Is there a conversion chart somewhere?
Every shape I had to learn above octagon was just a total fu*king waste of time.
The only thing worse than sitting on a cold toilet seat is sitting on a warm one.
If you like someone, set them free. If they comeback, it means nobody liked them. Set them free again.
Whenever you`re feeling down and in the dumps, just remember...the rest of us have been feeling that way about you too!
Facebook is like a nude beach. Everybody lets everything hang out, and you really don`t want to see a lot of it...
If sex between 3 people is called a Threesome and sex between 2 people is called a Twosome... Why is Handsome still a compliment?