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I spend most of my money on beer and cigarettes.. The rest I just waste.
MISSED CONNECTION: I gave you the Heimlich maneuver on Maine St. You insisted you weren’t choking and put up a good fight.
I’ve never been in love but I imagine it’s similar to the feeling you get when you see your waiter arriving with your food.
My family is missing that gene that tells you when trash cans are full.
"Just so you know, you`re coming home with me tonight." I whisper to all the leftover food on the table from our dinner date.
is a mystery you´ll never solve
When people ask how my childhood was, I say "Pretty good, so far."
Do you ever feel like you`re in Season 5 of your life, and the writers are just doing outrageous stuff to keep it interesting?
The only part I like about doing laundry is saying I`ve got a big load
Any person can be nice to my face, but it takes a real friend to be nice behind my back.
When I have to make a difficult decision in life I think what would grandma do, then I leave home in my nightie & shout at random strangers.
To find out your dolphin name, lick your finger tips and rub a balloon
Mom in poetic mood ....Asked me to express emptiness .... I showed her my wallet ........ n m cheek still burns .... :-p :-p
If you are the one who stole my computer yesterday, please disregard the folder labeled, "Nature photographs." Thanks.
He said he liked surprises, but when I showed up late at night dressed as a clown and knocked on his window, it`s all screaming and sh!t.