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If you own a podium and put up a sign that says "valet" on it, can you just steal cars?
No I don`t think you`re stupid, I just think you have real bad luck when it comes to thinking
Instead of cleaning my house I just watch an episode of hoarders and think " Wow my house looks great"
Wishing you a fabulous 2014 that is full of great achievements and experiences. A meaningful chapter waiting to be written HAPPY NEW YEAR!
One man`s trash is another man`s profile picture.
This "doing nothing" is hard work, how am I supposed to know when I`m done?
I got a little package in the mail today. For some reason it just reminded me of my ex.
I suspects that whoever named that Icelandic volcano (Eyjafjallajokull) must have fallen asleep on their keyboard while thinking it up.
Just taught my kids about taxes by eating 38% of their ice cream.
I don`t have a drinking problem, you have a problem with my drinking. Big difference.
And then God said, "Seems unfair to have given man an extra limb so to balance it out I`ll give women the power over which to control it."
"Don`t cry because its over, smile because his new girlfriend looks like a horse."
News flash! someone just found Carmon Sandiego!
The grass isn’t always greener on the other side. It’s greener where you water it.
I think the lady at the movies is "shushing" me, but I can`t tell because I`m eating Doritos.