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I only say "God bless you" twice. If you sneeze a third time I assume you cant be blessed and you`re a demon who must be destroyed.
Which wine goes best with more wine?
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Then go find somebody whose life gave them vodka and throw a party.
that moment when somebody calls your house phone and ask where you are
When I see a man with long fingernails, my first thought is wizard. My second thought is virgin wizard.
Coffee: fueling you for a job you can`t stand to support a life you never wanted. Tastes good though...
Teens are always full of energy until someone says the words "clean up".
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it´s still on the list.
Hurricanes, Fires,Tiger running loose ... Whoever is playing Jumanji needs to wrap it up
This week is the 40th anniversary of the Rubik`s Cube. If you kids don`t know what a Rubik`s Cube is, it`s what people would stare at without human interaction before cellphones. Mel
I will stop loving you, when Spongebob gets his driving license.
Researchers claim that the Internet is making us dumber and more impatient. I don`t get it. Moving on.
What am I taking to the Family Thanksgiving feast? Tupperware.
Whenever someone says “I’m not book smart, but I’m street smart”, all I hear is “I know where you can buy drugs"
Adam didn`t take any crap from Eve. He wore the plants in that relationship