Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
To all the people who think they don`t need deodorant: What in the world would make you think that?
If you watched a person cut a piece of wood, would that be sawed or seen?
I just want to find someone who will love me for exactly who I am pretending to be.
If revenge is a dish best served cold AND revenge is sweet then revenge is basically ice cream. Bring it.
It`s not illegal to get in a taxi and scream until you`ve reached your destination.
Why do people say “nice to meet you” before I’ve even said anything? How do you know it’s nice to meet me? I’m a jerk.
Guy tip of the day: To avoid arguments about the toilet seat, use the sink...
It`s hard to feel sorry for people when they get what they deserve.
A court date is still technically a date, right?
If you ever hit rock bottom, bring some beer. I`m almost out.
Why do grown ups pay to go to gyms to exercise on expensive equipment? Can`t we meet at a park after work and play tag until dark?
Marriage is just a fancy word for adopting an overgrown man child who can`t take care of himself.
Few people have the balls to admit when they`re wrong. Then again, few people have talking balls.
Never be mean to nerds. You never know, one day you might be working for them!
Building the city on rock and roll was probably the wrong move from an engineering perspective.