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My mom put shredded carrots in our Jello, so don`t tell me about your rough childhood.
Some people need to calm down, take a deep breath and then hold it for 20 minutes.
I smoked weed once and realized spoons are just little bowls on sticks
Just hung a picture. I nailed it.
Do you guys know there are "actual" people out there that don`t have a Facebook account? What the hell do they do all day?
I don’t understand why I cant lose weight. I thought dieting was a piece of cake.
One thing horror movies have helped me realize is that as a parent, you definitely want to avoid having demonic children
"It gotten SOOO cold in D.C., politicians have their hands in their OWN pockets!"
I`m not saying your cat doesn`t care about you, I`m saying if Lassie was a cat, Timmy would still be in that well.
If you still wear a Calculator watch, my guess is you don’t need it to add up all the ladies you get….
I don`t think we appreciate this era enough. For instance, none of us will see old photos of our moms whoring it up on Instagram.
I`ll never fall in love untill and unless love falls on me!
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody’s there to appreciate it.
I love facebook because it helps me remember what I did the night before when I blacked out.
Why is it when you take a break from Facebook everyone assumes you`re happy and in love ... Maybe I was in jail.