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I have a condition that prevents me from going on a diet ... I get hungry.
Is it wrong to tell a knock knock joke to a homeless person ?
You can really scare someone when you yell "Peek-a-boo!". Especially when they`re trying on clothes in the fitting room.
It’s amazing how little information I need on someone before I decide I don’t like them.
Tonight`s good mood is sponsored by ... Beer!!
The only difference between a yard sale and a trash pickup is how close to the road the stuff is placed.
According to a recent survey, 98% of people responded with "Go away."
A man tried to sell me a coffin today. I told him that`s the last thing I need.
The truth is, men put the lids on jars that tight so you’d need us, we’re not that stupid.
The smaller the town, the bigger the sex cult.
Sometime when I`m home alone I like to fill my bathtub with spaghetti and pretend I`m a meatball.!
How can I be expected to make life choices when I still use my fingers to count?
I`m surprised people still ask me if I want to hold their baby given the number of times I`ve dropped and shattered my phone
WARNING: Every single thing I post from here on in, is alcohol induced.
Good mothers let you lick the beaters when they`re making a cake. Great mothers turn the mixer off first.